well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Green mimosas i think yes
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
