She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
There's even glitter on my cock...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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