Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
