Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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