i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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