I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
