sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
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