I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
MIDGETS
????
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
