It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
