Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
