i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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