My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
