I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
