i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
