So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
