you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
