We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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