remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
