She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
