You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
this is an emotional support booty call
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
