New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
