ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
