Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
