Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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