Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
