I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
