Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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