It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
