woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God, I missed his penis.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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