Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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