I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
