matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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