K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
