At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
