I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
