i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
