I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
