I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
