marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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