I am puke
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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