i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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