he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
