Jerry, you need to find god
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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