woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
