I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
