I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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