yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
