Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
