I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
