Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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