If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
